Ep 5 - Boys will be boys?

Nakum, Night 11 found a pissed-off Margaret throwing daggers at Judd for betraying her and their old Nakum team mates. Judd wasn't having a bar of it however, telling her that “You gotta remember it’s a cutthroat game….we’re all here to win a million dollars.” Still she wouldn't leave it alone and he resorted to spitting out: “I don’t give a flying rats arse what people think about me.”
To us he commented that “As long as my wife and kid still love me, that’s all that matters.”

Yaxha Day 12
Blake was the first awake, watching a croc swimming in the river in the early morning dawn with delicate clouds of mist still rising from the water..... Ah, stuff that girly writing for a joke, let's get back to the ins and outs of the show.

Farm Boy Brandon was finding it a challenge getting to know the hyper student Brian, Football Chick Danni and Policewoman Amy. “I’m used to rednecks, hicks, farming type of people, but Amy’s never left the city." Bless her sweet heart - she ran around the camp trying to escape a huge flying bug on her shoulder, and was later receiving some instruction in wheat planting by Bobby Jon and Brandon. Which would be kind of like being taught how to live frugally by Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. Brian told us that “They’re kinda like people I would never like hang out with……and I don’t want to thank Jesus for this meal, if that’s OK, but I wouldn’t do that, it would be stupid.”

There was no pot mail to give us any clues as to what the Reward Challenge would be until they fronted up to the Probster. I was my usual blonde self in failing to understand every step but it seemd to be some kind of hellish uphill obstacle course involving the use of stone to cut through a rope; then chop through a log; race to the top of the platform to put the handles into a turnstile that would bring a cart up the hill towards them. Then the remaining tribe member would then cut through the rope to release the cart carrying the team down the hill. Or something along those lines - I was too distracted by the lovely fruchocs left by Catherine-the-Elegant after dinner.

The reward for all of this effort was a good one - margaritas, corn chips, guacamole and….. a croc-proof water cage for swimming and sunning themselves - a rather nice change from sprinkling a teaspoon of water on at a time in an effort to wash and cool themselves down.

Yaxha took the early lead thanks to Farmer Boy hacking through the rope with ease whilst Jamie struggled. Yaxha made it up to the top with the turnstile whilst Jamie was still trying to cut the first rope (maybe it would have been better if placed around his neck…) Yaxha rode their cart past Jamie and Nakum to win the prize in the biggest thrashing of the show yet. “Sorry guys,” said Jamie, almost looking as though he was crying. Stephenie looked ropable (weak pun intended)

Yaxha ran victoriously back to their camp to find a rather glamorous looking square swimming deck with sunloungers and umbrellas which was large enough for them all to fit in there at once. In a rare moment of braggartyness, Brandon told us: “You could say I won it for Yaxha.”
Gary told us: “We got a new superhero on our team and Kansas is loving him…and so am I.”

Check out this photo - if Brandon had any trouble cutting the rope, he could have used Danni's hip bones..!






Note to team: Give Danni ALL the guacamole or she’ll slip through the bars of the swim cage!














Over at Nakum, Jamie apologized to everyone for his total lack of rope cutting skills. However, Judd told us, “Man, what the hell…? is what we’re all thinking." His big mouth didn't stop flapping there either, as he mouthed off to Cindy and Margaret, telling them that “You guys should step up to be the stars you think you are.” Zookeeper Cindy did an admirable job of restraining herself from kneeing him in the goolies and pushing him into the croc-infested waters.

Super Steph told us that she's “Happy for BJ to win but he cheers like a frickin’ girl….I’m jealous. I’m biting my tongue at camp and I’m never going to cry in front of them ever…..I’m in a really bad dream that I can’t ever get out of….. I’m in the less-abled team that (pause) well, sucks basically”
Any admiration I had for her vanished quicker than a fruchoc in my house when Stephenie continued her tirade against my bonehead beefcake favourite boy BJ:“He’s gay, he’s like so gay…” Who, BJ or Jamie??

Don't you worry none, BJ. You're a purdier longhorned steer than she is, buckaroo or I'll strap my face to the side of a hog and get rolled over in the mud....
















At Yaxha night 13 – during a rainstorm they huddled together miserably under an umbrella. However Blake “Golden Boy” and Brian stayed asleep under the shelter and seemed to be dry and oblivious to their shivering comrades.
Brandon told us that “Blake talks about himself all the time.” At camp he told them that “My girlfriend has got double Ds, she’s got big boobs.” Well thank you, Mr Man of the Year 2005. I'm sure that she'll be utterly thrilled to find out that that's what you decide to tell you team instead of anything about her intelligence, personality or political views. Don't worry, I've now stopped channelling Germaine Greer.

The Golden Boy got a kick out of regaling his less worldly team mates with endless tales of frat parties and exploits. Brian told us: “I’ve got a new game, it’s called Bait Blake…..it will show Danni and Bobby Jon what a complete moron he is. He’s digging himself into a big hole and I’m here to make sure he’s got a shovel.”

At Nakum on Day 14 they found themselves some pot mail. Steph: “I’m trying to get this bad luck that’s dwelling over my head away from me.”
Lydia tried her best – the poor, deluded old duck – to sing a cheerful song which went down as well as syphilis. The expressions on their faces showed us that she was the stand out candidate for the next one to go…..
Jamie (about L’s dancing) wasn't going to beat around the bush: “You look like you’re having a seizure”
Steph was merely puzzled, wondering “Where did the normal Lydia of yesterday go?’

The Immunity Challenge saw Nakum looking crabby. Jamie told Jeff that “We’re not going to smile until we win.”
The Probster explained that the challenge would have each tribe divided into two groups of three with one tribe member catapulting balls into the area for their team mates to catch in nets. The winner would be the first tribe to catch five balls in their nets.

Nakum were ahead 2 catches to one; then Yaxha tied it for two each. Soon Nakum led four catches to two, and eventually they caught the fifth one. Jamie yelled out “Who’s smiling now? Who’s smiling now?” Calm down Meat Head, you've only bought yourself a three day reprieve.

Back at camp, Yaxha found themselves fuming over Jamie’s immature antics and their loss. Brian was keen to start strategising as he realised that only three of their original tribe remained compared to the four new members from Nakum. He's a very strange looking chap isn't he – a kind of deranged chipmunk with a long, white pencil neck.














BJ “ I listen to Gary a lot because he’s smart.” That's nice, sweetie; now run along and hack a tree or two down for the fire, there's a good himbo.
Gary approached Danni and Amy to discuss voting out Blake first; but BJ and Blake were thinking about getting rid of Brian. Brandon told Danni that he wasn’t going to vote off Blake due to needing his strength, but was thinking about Amy. But Danni told us “I like Blake, but I don’t like that frat boy stuff…..I hate being the swing vote….” At least I think that's what she said - she's so horrifyingly thin, it's about all I can do to stop myself from screaming "GO and EAT SOMETHING - anything! Blake's HEAD if you must!"

At Tribal Council, Jeff found out that Amy had nicknamed Blake ‘Golden Boy’. Brandon admitted that he’s “…..starting to like some people a little bit more than others.”
Brian voted for Blake: “You may be the golden boy, but I’m platinum.”
Brandon voted for Brian, as did Blake, but Gary voted for Blake……Danni started writing the letter ‘B’ before we were shoved into the ad break.

Brian looked ill as his two votes were read out, but then Blake looked surprised that he, Golden Frat Boy with heaps of amusing stories was given the Big Elbow. My darling husband commented, “Well he’s not got the million bucks, or a girlfriend after talking about her big boobs on international television.” Our houseguest (and Masters Games gold, silver and bronze medal winner) Dale, liked what she saw and retorted “Oh I don’t know, he’d probably be fending off E-cups when he gets back.”

Next week – at Nakum, Margaret and Judd can’t get along; Amy takes another injury and Bobby Jon and Jamie bounce off each other yelling like a couple of baboons in heat…..

And if you want to know just how you're going compared to your competitors, just go to the premiership table for a gander - there's still quite a few of you that have your original three picks (plus either BJ or Super Steph) remaining.

See youse next week!