Ep 9 - Good housekeeping tip - chunder where you sleep

Xhakum, Night 21 saw Jamie all upset about Bobby Jon telling him during Tribal Council that he had no class. “I’m not angry; my feelings are hurt.” He went on. And on: “It’s like calling me white trash, Bobby Jon….it broke my heart.” Oh boo flippin’ hoo and this from the guy who welcomed his new tribe mates by telling them that they had to sleep outside! BJ must have that in-built himbo deafness to whingeing because he eventually shook hands with the cry-baby-sooky-pants around the campfire.

Rafe told us that Jamie had taken things waaay too personally, noting “If he doesn’t use this to change (his behaviour) then I’m going to change the game.” How Rafe hopes to achieve this, I’m not sure – by smiling harder, skipping to the challenges or having a Madonna singalong?

Day 22 found Lydia pounding the corn with about as much strength as a burnt moth. Judd and Stephenie were slothing around in the smug knowledge that Gary, BJ and Danni were their next targets. BJ knew it too: “I need the idol now. There’s pretty much nothing I can do to budge the magical six up there, I just gotta keep tryin’.” Danni and Gary were also frantically looking in the jungle.

The Reward Challenge mercifully looked as though it was set up for anyone to win and not just the brawniest. The Reward – food, of course. The Probster informed them that they would all get something to eat, but what they eat would depend on their performance in the challenge. The winner would also get a clue on where the other immunity idol was hidden.



I know I keep harping on it, but it was hard to tell the difference between Danni and the spear









Judd’s shot was great –only 1.5m away from the centre. BJ’s shot didn’t even make the edge of the biggest circle, and Rafe (despite throwing like a girl), at least made it into the circles. Unsurprisingly, Lydia managed to outdo BJ at crappy throwing.
Danni and Cindy were close behind Judd. Jamie ended up fourth, but decided to take the last meal so that everyone else could move up a space. It was his way of making up for yesterday: “We’re one tribe now, I should have known that sooner.” Aw, bless his sweet heart – is it just me, or have you also noticed that his good ole boy southern accent seems to be gettin’ stronger?







As with all major athletes, Danni found that by sticking her tongue out it improved her performance more than any steak or steroid ever could.












Over at the lodge, a victorious Judd headed over for his steak and lobster at his own table. A dog and puppies trotted through but Judd was focused on his food and beer. Second-placed Cindy got chicken and veges; Danni got spag bol; Steph a burger and beer; a slice of pizza for Gary; a ham and cheese sandwich for Rafe; baked potato for BJ; a tiny fish and glass of water for Lydia and ……… lake water and local nuts for Jamie.

Then Jeff stated that Judd could invite two people to share his meal, including the open bar and a dessert menu. He chose Bobby Jon (why? Because he’s going to be voted off anyhow, no matter how hard he tries?) and Stephenie to eat with him. BJ was careful not to obviously gorge in front of the others, especially Gary. “You’re killin me Gary” said Judd, averting his eyes.


Gary admitted to us “It was two hours of watching them gorge themselves and get drunk – not my idea of fun.” However, what is Gary's idea of fun - has he cracked a smile on the show yet???


Judd and BJ staggered home still smoking their cigars. Judd hugged Jamie and BJ decided to hoik down a stump into the fire which was, to the sober eye, a 10 metre long tree. Judd went for a gutzer, but hey, at least his cigar didn’t go out!

On Day 23, the tribe told Judd that he threw up in the shelter that night, as well as snored like a hog stuck in the mud – mmmm, it must have smelt nice in that festering, steamy heat and his vomity, beery, cigary, no-toothpaste-for-23-days morning breath a real turn on. Perhaps they should have taken him out on the fishing boat and got him to lean over and breathe on a fish to catch their meal.

Despite this, Steph clearly found enough energy to consider him socially acceptable because he shared the clue regarding the immunity idol with her – essentially, that it’s not on the ground. However he then trudged down to the others and told them that “it’s totally on the ground,” but his acting skills seemed to me to be akin to Paris Hilton (in any video) and not Meryl and as such, didn’t seem to convince the others as much as amuse them.

Day 24 found Jamie seeking assurance from Rafe that they were still in an alliance together. Rafe said, “Jamie is totally paranoid all the time…… but I don’t totally trust Jamie.” Our new-hearted hillbilly then worked on Gary to ensure that he too would be prepared to vote with him. The mozzies barely got a chance to land on his back before he was telling Steph, Judd and Lydia that Gary said he was going to vote for him instead of with him. Steph was convinced: “Jamie is a liability….he’s not all there and is a loose cannon.”




'Ol Jamie might be a tad crazy and all but my mate Jill wouldn't mind having a play with his loose cannon....















Pot mail hinted at some kind of balancing event for the immunity challenge and it at least got the others to move away from Jamie’s increasingly erratic mumblings and do some balancing exercises instead.

The immunity challenge – lordy, how to describe it – beams and planks and ropes and having to be the first four, then the first two then the final round. If I was in the competition I’d be begging for the arrow throwing competition to be run again instead.

Jamie elected to squodge along the beam via his goolies instead of walking along with his feet and Jeff commented, wincing, “Oh that’s gotta feel good.” Imagine how it’ll feel the next day…. However this sperm-count-reducing method enabled him to be in the first four with Rafe, Gary and Danni. The rope’n’plank thingy leg of the race was won by Rafe and Jamie, so again, having crucified crown jewels didn’t hinder him. In the final part of the race, poor old Rafe did a hilariously spectacular head dunk and body flip into the water, giving Jamie the immunity for that night’s tribal council.

The ‘strong six’ selected Gary to go, followed by Bobby Jon. Steph told us, “Gary’s a huge physical threat and he’s always in game-mode.” BJ had a few schemes of his own, telling Jamie and Judd and that “your real threat is down there grinding corn”- Stephenie in other words. Out in the jungle, Gary noticed that Judd was busy looking up at the trees and not on the ground.

At Tribal Council Jeff asked Gary, “Have you lied in this game?” No was the firm answer. He then turned to Judd: “Have you lie---“ “No,” said Judd, the it’s-on-the-ground’ clue sharer, beady little eyes open and innocent-looking. Jeff then asked if anyone had the immunity idol and wanted to use it – Gary had, and did, which shocked the hell out of the rest of them.

Jamie was less vocal when he wrote down Bobby Jon: “Wow, sorry.”
Bobby Jon cast his vote for Steph: “Better now than never I guess.”
Danni voted for Steph and Steph of course voted for BJ: “I’m glad you made the jury.”

2 votes for Stephenie and 1 for Cindy, but of course it was for our dear old himbo, Bobby Jon. As Jeff snuffed his torch he said, “Thanks very much, I enjoyed it.”




Bye bye Bobby Jon, you've been great to..... watch. See you in an improved dream sequence some time!













Alas, the premiership table will show you that I'm now completely out of contention with my favourite hunk 'o' himbo, BJ gone. The same goes for Bec, so we two can now just sit back, relax and enjoy all the strategising, fighting, challenges, gradual starvation - aren't you glad they haven't perfected 'smellovision' yet?

Next week – Jamie gets irritated with Gary, survivors get muddy for the best reward and Lydia has to make a decision – what, a decision?? You mean she’s actually useful at something in this game?????